New Life Presbyterian Church of Dresher

A Marriage Miracle - Part 2

The time in our marriage when we were separated was a hurtful, sad, desperate and humiliating time, but I never felt closer to God. Despite my heartache, God had given me a peaceful heart. There were times when I felt the floor being pulled out from under me, and I could barely recognize my life. My greatest concern was what kind of life would I be able to give my son as a single parent? Where would we live and how would I support us? My heart broke for my innocent boy. But when I look back on this period in my life I know God carried me. On days when it seemed the bottom was falling out of my life I would take my son for a walk on a wooded road behind my parents' home and pray to God to calm me and let me feel His peace. That prayer was answered, even though I had never read the promise in Philippians 4:6-7, which states: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." The peace of God truly did guard my heart and mind during this time. God had also given me a beautiful son who provided me the reason to go on, as well as loving parents to support us. We were surrounded with love.

Once I gained a peaceful heart, I knew that my son and I would somehow be okay, and that my husband was the one who needed the prayers. It was hard to pray for him at first and my prayers were not very nice sometimes. I'd say, "Lord, let him see himself as the selfish jerk that he is!" But mostly I prayed for God to open my husband's heart and let him see me as a good option in his life, and to consider that I might be worth the gamble for our son's sake. God had given me family values taught to me by my parents and the memory of a really wonderful, secure childhood, with two parents. I knew they loved me and I knew they loved each other. I was determined to have this for my son.

Eventually, I worked my way back home and into my husband's life again, and made an extreme effort to make our marriage and our family and home stronger; God gave me a chance, and I would not waste it. I began to wait for my husband to see and admit what a terrible mistake he made. That time never came, though, and the longer I waited, the harder it got for me to continue. I became terribly depressed and it scared me, so I went to the doctor and started taking anti-depressants. I also bought and read every self-help book every written, but nothing helped for very long.

My husband had apologized, but not with his heart, and I began to think that I might never be able to love or respect someone who had made such selfish choices and who had taken my life and my son's life so lightly. That he thought doing dishes and household chores could possibly make up for the hurt and humiliation he had caused made me seethe with resentment and lose hope that he would ever change. I had tried every possible tactic to keep us together, but I never saw the change I needed to see in his heart, and no matter how hard I tried, I wasn't capable of changing anybody's heart. I came to the realization that I had taken the marriage as far as I possibly could on my own, and it just wasn't good enough. I felt weak and damaged and very desperate, so I prayed a desperate prayer to God: I told Him that I knew He wanted this family to stay together, and that I had tried to exhaustion, and that I could not do it by myself. I begged Him to help me, for my son's sake.

It was after I had given it all over to God that He answered my prayers. A few weeks later, my husband suggested we try going to church together, and the words the pastor preached on suffering went right to my heart. I felt like God was talking to me through the sermon. We kept coming back and our eyes were opened to so much. I saw how sinful my resentment toward my husband was and asked God to take it away. He did! The most amazing thing during this time was my husband's transformation. He developed a completely changed heart, and I fell to my knees in complete gratitude and awe as I watched God change what I could not change on my own, no matter how hard I tried. It was a miracle!

I know Luke 11:9-13 is true, because I asked God to save my marriage and my family, and look how much more he gave his Holy Spirit! He saved me! And my husband! He gave Tommy and me a father and a husband we can love and respect, and he gave us a new eternal life! All of the self-help books I have can be thrown away because I have the one book I need - the Word of God.

"Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find,
knock and the door will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds;
and to him who knocks the door will be opened....
If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children,
how much more will your Father in heaven
give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!"
Luke 11: 9-13