New Life Presbyterian Church of Dresher

A Marriage Miracle - Part 1

In order to fully appreciate the miracle that God has worked in our marriage, I think it's necessary to begin at our lowest point. The short story is that I ripped apart my relationship with my wife by committing adultery and essentially quitting on my marriage of five years - and I quit not only as a husband to my wife, but also as a father to our 8 month old boy.

The fact that this happened in my marriage may seem surprising in light of my background. I was raised in a religious household and attended a religious grammar school, high school, and college. Yet by the time I was 30 years old, not one of my life's decisions, including marriage, was even remotely based upon religion or spiritual well being. I basically believed that there was a God who was responsible for creating me, and all other things, but that he really had no bearing on how I decided to live my life on a daily basis. I figured that God really wouldn't become an issue until I died, and I was confident that I'd make it until at least age 80, so therefore I could afford to keep faith as a very low priority on my life's to-do list. God had given me free will and then moved off to another galaxy, leaving me to decide how best to proceed during my stay on earth.

It is with this free will that I decided after five years that my marriage was just a big mistake. I was overcome with anger and resentment that I had been a pretty good husband but was not getting what I wanted in return from the relationship. My priorities became focused on proving to the world that I wasn't afraid to stand up and fight the standards that society had imposed on me. I thought that I was self-sufficient enough to start my life over again on my terms.

We separated, but because of my wife's superhuman determination to raise her son in a 2-parent household (despite the humiliation that I was putting her through), I eventually returned to make an effort at our marriage, though still with a hardness of heart. Three years later, I thought that I was doing everything possible to make up for my past wrongs. I would clean dishes when I really didn't want to; dust and vacuum when I really didn't want to; fold laundry at 11:00 at night when I so desperately needed to pass out on the bed in front of me. I would volunteer to take our son for a day and let my wife have some time to herself. I learned how to say no to friends when they would ask me to play golf, knowing that it would cut into family time. Ironically, to all our neighbors and friends who didn't know our history, I came off looking like a great guy and an ideal husband!

But something huge was still missing. All of my efforts to be a great husband, although giving me a sense of accomplishment for all the work that I was pouring into the marriage, seemed to be creating an even wider rift between my wife and I. I couldn't understand why she wasn't moved by my good deeds. I initiated counseling but that wasn't much help. After sensing that my wife was probably the more spiritual of the two of us, I figured that maybe going to church as a family on Sundays would help, still thinking that the void that needed filling was within her and not me. We eventually ended up at New Life , and after a few trips I began scouring many chapters in the New Testament and speed-reading several Christian books, and one day I woke up at 4:00 in the morning and really "got it."

I realized, as one book put it, that I was attempting to pay for my past wrongs with my own good works and sufferings. I was carrying out my penance by doing all the chores around the house, which I thought, when piled high enough, would eventually outweigh the sins that I had committed. What I realized at 4:00 a.m. that morning is that all my "doings" were rooted in sinful motives. I wanted to feel better about what I had done, but instead of a change of heart, I just kept on doing more. What I really needed to do was repent - to admit to God and my wife that no amount of chores or good deeds would ever make up for my wrong doings, and that all I could really bring to the table was a hardened, sinful heart.

At first, I couldn't grasp the connection between repenting for my sins today and Christ dying on a cross 2000 years ago, but through faith, I realized that though I could not ever make up for my past wrongs, God could! God already knew 2000 years ago that I would create a mess out of what he gave me, and so he sent His only Son, Jesus, to take the fall for all of my sinful impulses! God hadn't left me for another galaxy after all, but he had been working all along in my life for the sake of softening my hardened heart, starting with Christ's sacrifice on the cross and continuing through the outpouring of his Holy Spirit to guide me.

I was able to see then that faith is much more than just believing in God. Rather, faith is repenting of the wrong things I do and accepting the wonderful grace of God to forgive me. I still fight the daily battles of anger, pride, and resentment, as all of us do. Yet, God still chose me to be one of his children. This undeserved grace has taught me the true meaning of love. When I feel the love of God to such a great unconditional extent, how much easier it is to give this love back to my wife, my son, my family, friends, and even strangers. Our testimony today is that God pulled our marriage out of the depths of my sin, and gave us a huge reason to be excited about each other again.

"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just, and will forgive us our sins
and purify us from all unrighteousness"
I John 1:9